Everything is going wrong but somehow, three days since leaving the warm lull of Cardiff life, I have found myself in the departure area of Guangzhou airport surrounded by that same faint ‘Chinese scent’ and Asian characters decorating my peripheral vision. It feels odd to be back here and I will need to reconfigure my reasoning for being this far out before I can fully feel comfortable or capable here.
Two days in I find myself messaging who I can only now describe as a friend, figuring out through trial and error what is appropriate to say. These days our conversations are clinical, to the point. I’m trying to remember a time when they weren’t, but my memory has never served me well and there seems little point in dwelling on the past.
Especially here, especially now. Everything around me is moving so fast, efficiency at the core of every motion, there is almost a humour in how erratic yet functional this city appears.
Maybe this post is a pointless one, I still don’t have a lot to say, I’m still trying to work out a space for me to exist in my new surroundings and I haven’t started working yet so this period feels a little like limbo. But I feel I must write something, so this is it.