You’re an old man now so I’m going to put this is big letters so you can read it. Let me know if any of the words are too ‘down with the kids’ and I’ll translate for you.
It’s your birthday! I probably did something amazing like cook your favourite pizza and put candles on a cake (very lame). So you’re welcome.
Also thank you. I know I can be frustrating and irrational, and very indecisive at times… but you’re one of the few people to really stick by me and let me be myself without too much judgement (except for the occasional eye roll). I know we don’t always get on, and you may have have a brain full of cats and honestly you do my absolute head in sometimes…buuut you know what they say about people in glass houses.
I’m so happy I bugged you in Sydney and we got to explore Australia together and do all the cool sh*t we’ve done over the last few months. Without you I wouldn’t have worked at a saw mill in the middle of nowhere, or seen Uluru or climbed the Devil’s Marbles. I wouldn’t have driven through a river in the Northern Territory or seen all these kangaroos and scary spiders, or done so much freakin’ baking. Thanks for dealing with ze Germans (not Nazis) with me and always putting up with my unpractised vegan meals over what you might consider better mac ‘n’ cheese. I promise the next pineapple upside down cake won’t be so runny on the inside, and I’m sorry we’ll never agree on the definition of pudding.
(You are getting better at English slowly… But I fear you’ll never be able to say “should have done” properly.)
Anyway, you’re officially in your thirties now, so you’ll probably be taking an afternoon nap or playing Bridge instead of reading the end of this post so I’ll make it short.
You deserve the happiest, bounciest 31st birthday filled with great whiskey and sexy Swedish ladies, mellow jazz, bongo drums, and a huge bag of weed. Instead you’re stuck with me in a caravan in Dingo, Central Queensland. So uh, Happy(ish) Birthday!