I’m done. On the walk home, he glasses over at the conversation of activism, of fundraising for global animal causes and health catastrophes that could so easily be remedied if people just cared a little more. He, who has reached his limit of pretending to care, of using up his energy for my sake, to appear empathetic. So have I.
Since the protest in Melbourne when they all chained themselves to vans, expressed how it is no longer about changing people’s minds and more about the urgent need for change, how every second animals are harmed and how a few minutes out of your day means absolutely fucking nothing in comparison.
Clearly people don’t care about anyone but themselves, we all convince ourselves we do, and we’re more kind than others, but when it comes down to it we all avoid fundraisers on the street, still order chicken burritos and stir fries, still roll our eyes at those so affected, so angered by the obvious truth. Everyone is so caught up in the image of the ‘angry vegan’ that they don’t stop to consider the horrific acts of violence and cruelty that triggered their anger in the first place. Those activists have failed and so have I.
It’s so disheartening when you can’t even sway the views of those closest in your life; he still shows you articles of vegan celebrities pressured back into eating meat as of it’s some kind of victory, still expresses his excitement at “delicious” looking beef burgers on his Facebook feed, still orders egg white cocktails at the bars we visit. There’s no connection in his brain between his drink and the animal that was involved in its making, and if there is it just doesn’t matter enough.
I have just grown so tired of the inevitable apathy, the general selfishness of humanity. You may have noticed my absence, it has not been accidental. I have spent the last few months, few years, being ground down like so many others and I am finally just a grain of who I used to be, so finished with all of this. My motivation is splintered by the constant resistance, my spirit thoroughly dampened.
So here comes a new reality, a new realisation and conviction, a new selfishness of my own. I have spent so long waiting for others to catch up or to chase as much as I do, in so many areas of life. And I am done. Think of this as a resolution, as a defeat if you will, God knows I will. I hope you are as happy as I intend to be.